Monday, February 20, 2006 - pretty weak

"... the guy wouldn't confront me. i like confrontation. if i've offended you, let me know. don't call it in and not leave your name. i just think that's pretty weak." - henry rollins

it seems that lately, honest behavior is very hard to find. and that saddens me, because i would rather hear something unpleasant then be lied to.

i'm not talking little white lies, like telling someone you like their shirt even though its ugly, but the full on, honest-to-god-truth-when-it-counts is becoming a scarcity.

i'd like to think i'm honest, i'm not perfect, but i try to be honest with myself and others. it doesn't always happen, perhaps because sometimes it's just easier not to say anything or to be a little false then to say something hurtful. but lately it seems like everywhere i turn there is "friend" is not being honest with me about how they feel towards me, or a situation that effects me. there is a lot of propaganda out there, and most of the time, it is someone else trying to make themselves feel better about something that is going on, and these lies are something they are not only telling themselves (and believing) but others.

i function on a very logical level, and can handle bad news very well, and process it into my life. if i am sincere to you, i expect sincerity back. if i treat you with respect, i expect to be respected in return. if i don't like you or your actions very much, i might keep it to myself, but i certainly would not say something to anyone else that i would not say to your face. whether you be my best friend or my worst enemy.

it seems to me that people don't always understand that actions speak louder then words. words are cheap, it's only the weight you put behind words that carries any validity. you can tell someone what you think they want to hear from you, but if you can't back it up, it's a lie. you can tell other people what your take on a situation is, and skew your opinion to make yourself look better (maybe even to yourself) but that's still a lie. if you are nice to someone's face but then say not nice things about them behind his or her back, that's lying. when you tell yourself that something is true only because you want your actions to be perceived in a certain light, when your true motivation for those actions are veiled, that indeed is still a lie.

kinda like passive aggressive myspacing. kinda like having a conversation with someone, ostensibly to get your "feelings" out, but actually just wanting to pointedly insinuate something. kinda like projecting your insecurities on someone else at his or her expense to make yourself feel better. kinda like getting entangled with other people's business so you don't have to worry so much about your own. kinda like emoting through this self-referential bullshit blog....

i soothe myself with the fact that i have many more non-bullshit, honest people in my life then i do lying liars. as that old clich goes, "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me."

meet the old boss, the same as the new boss..