i hate really intense scary movies, i am a big chicken, but for some reason i LOVE so-bad-that-its-good early era "scary" movies. my ex knew this, and was as down on v-day as i was for the stupidity of the holiday, and in a romantic gesture five years ago, got "the wicker man" a truly superb "scary" movie about pagen cults and a "scary" movie filmed in esperanto staring william shatner for us to watch on valentines day. and thus a tradition was started.
this year, the zombie/cult movies i watched were awesomly "scary" and fantastic.
for franz, a review of HARD ROCK ZOMBIES which, as you will see, lived up to its title, here are all the reason this movie rocked (pun intented)
SPOILERS - IF YOU WANT TO WATCH THIS DO NOT READ MORE
- on the guitar lick that drives the movie - "what's that guitar lick man?" "I got it from a book" "a who?"
- the mosquitos are zombies too
- the "redneck" town so obviously has palm trees
- the first song by the "hard rockers" sounds like billy ocean
- one of the heavy metal band members (pre-zombification) does mime in their video
- in a backless teal shirt, no less!
- foreshadowing - "the only way you are going to miss this concert is if you are dead" "even dead, i can feel it"
- german sex manics who let their mutatated grandchildren watch
- everyones "southern" accent is different and bad
- lead singer to 16 year old groupie "i thought about you all day, i wrote a song about you, the least you can do is tell me your name..."
- in the next scene, he sings this song and all the other band members know the words/music
- on the mutant grandchild - "did you see that guy with ugly all over his face?"
- the sheriff is fat, greasy and wears sunglasses inside and at night
- on the scary dude - "he looks like he munches babies"
- disembodied hand in a jar plays bass chords
- on heavy metal- "my national enquirer said that musicians can't play a note unless they eat drugs
- on masterbation - "they visualiz in non-curicular fantasies and proceed to self-abuse!" "self abuse, i remember that, i remember when we had that goat, that BIG goat"
- total skinamax shower scene
- on the shower scene "you are so romantic...you must go to movies a lot"
- great motage of killing/destroying rock and roll/video vixen zombie
- instead of a chainsaw, they get chased with a weed wacker
- in a night scene, they forget to use a filter and its light out
- the zombie/rockers were jesse, tommy, robby and chuck
- hitler is in this movie. seriously. hitler
- when the rockers turn into zombies they change into cooler rock star outfits
- for no reason at all, they have an old man come out to give exposition, and he is wearing robes and carrying a staff.. in the south?
- when the band finally plays the infamous concert, the song sounds like chicago
- on killing the zombies - "no, its true, it happened in los angeles" "come on! where did they find a virgin in la?
- you can practically hear the director shouting "slower boys, do it slower, you're supposed to be zombies!"
- on self-deprication - "that sounds like a cheap movie" "this whole day seems like a cheap movie"
- good blocking just counts for so much in fight scenes
- zombie humor - "i mean, don't bite my head off, but.... oh"
- midget nazi zombies
- midget nazi zombie chase scene
- midget nazi zombie chase scene set to bennie hill type music
- rednecks on zombies - "they feed off live flesh" "uh yeh, we noticed that..."
- agent on phone, upon hearing the rocker zombies - "get me four class-a contracts right away, you dig? i don't care if you're in jail, you're always in jail...listen, you're my lawyer, you draw up those contracts if i have to bust you out of jail"
- the last song "straight edge hell" was actually pretty awesome
- the video vixen zombie gets really annoying
- virginal 16 year song is dead-icated too (ha ha) ends the movie holding hands with zombie lead singer... a hand sticking out of his grave
- in the credits there is an actor credited as "hitler"
TWO THUMBS UP! a true v-day classic
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