Thursday, June 22, 2006 - i really do love my friends, i swear

you just have to really define what a "friend" is

i am at a point in my life where i have no qualms cutting people off. i can remember leaving high school, or moving from california to new york, or leaving college, where i felt this fierce need to remain tight with the people who were important to me in my life.

i have benefited from this, of course, because i do have such wonderful friends in my life, even the ones who live on other coasts or i do not see as frequently, the important ones still mean a lot.

but there comes a time when you have to sit down and admit, as an adult, that you no longer have anything in common. school especially. a social life that revolved around a limited amount of bars and parties, not to mention a "grind" of classes with the same people, formed bonds that no longer have any real relevance. other people who had more in common with you and connected at a deeper level, well, people change. most for the better, but those common denominators don't necessarily stay intact.

so i don't get this holding on to reunions and get together in an obligatory sense. isn't that what family is for? plus, i have enough mandatory social obligations for work. if i wanted to commit to an event where my choices in life would garner pity while listening to inane prattle about people who are "successful" because they can afford a house with curb appeal and pop out a few young'uns, i will attend one of the two aforementioned occasions.

am i impossibly callous because i no longer want to spend time with these people who only want to be a part of my life at meticulously scheduled intervals. even if we have nothing at all in common but a shared sense of pity for each others life choices?

if you can't be bothered to call once in awhile to see what's up, or, in these enlightened technological times, drop me an email to catch me up on your life, why must i feel i should drop everything going on in my hemisphere because you have decided to host a chistmas social. is it imperative that i etch the party you are planning four months from now into my calendar, and then stick to that event no matter what, forsaking people i see on a weekly basis, to fulfill this obligation.

its not a matter of how often you speak, people are busy, hell, i'm busy. i have a friend from rancho palos verdes who i have not seen in person since 1997, who i speak to over email not more then four times a year, who i still feel super close too. we've managed to stay on the same page as she got married, had two children and moved to orange county. in fact, there are a lot of people in my life who have been an important part for years and will continue to be an important part for years to come, regardless of their marital status or their proximity to me geographically. these are the people who should remain friends.

but this imperative to keep in touch, just because we had a moment, makes me physically ill. get on with your life, we all have. i cant understand why me not wanting to spend two hours on a train to hang out with your whiny brats and boring husband makes me a bad person. or maybe it does.

i might be going to hell, but i am taking the most fun and important people with me.


"my demons and i are closer then ever.. next year were going on a tour of baseball parks". homer j. simpson


Currently listening :
Most People Are a Waste of Time
By Hard-Ons
Release date: By 27 March, 2006