Wednesday, February 08, 2006 - 'the electric company' pinball machine failed me

i have a group of friends who live out in NJ (ok, there are some city stragglers in the mix, but 95 percent this group is in the garden state) that seem to know me pretty well. we've known each other for years, some for 10plus , others for just a few, but by nature of the fact that we all share common interests, as well as the fact that a lot of the times we see each other are on sanctioned, three to ten days trips together, we're mad close.

its a well documented fact that no one is perfect, and if you know me well, you probably are aware of my many imperfections. one of the worst is my inability to do math. i'm not talking about tearing up in the checkout line cause i don't know the value of the bills in my hand, but next time we're at a restaurant, watch me just wait for someone else to figure out the check. it always seemed kinda of pathetic that no red flags were ever raised when i was reading two grade levels ahead but in remedial math.

so, although i was able to struggle through school, taking three times as long as everyone else on my math problems, memorizing the times tables editecally, so as to have no real idea of their meaning beyond flashcards, struggling, until finally reaching geometry and algebra, which blessedly had more to do with logic then counting, i was done.

but this hinders me in certain areas of life, the aforementioned restaurant check avoidance, trying to bet at the horse track, and in the most sanctioned of card games, 99

card games play a big part of this crew in nj's social atmosphere, and 99 is the king of card games to which all others must bow. if you are not familiar with the game (we just explained the principals to an amused/amazed smitty last weekend) it revolves primarily around counting. each number card stands for its own value, ace can be either one or eleven, kings are zero, jacks reverse and queens are automatic 69.

the idea of the game is to count up to 99, and the person that breaks 99 "wins" which means they have the distinction of finishing a beer before the next "winner" is crowned. you can play it very strategically, if you choose, or just for laughs, or as an official tournament, all of which have a time and place. but 99 is always played. a lot. and counting is an essential component. i shunned 99 for years, it not that i couldn't figure out 78 plus 6 in my head (84, see, i got it, it just took me numerous seconds and then i double checked my math on my fingers) but when you are slapping down cards at a furious pace, trying to thwart "winner" number one by crowning a second "winner" before they are done with their "prize," you need to count fast.

since i do not enjoy counting for fun, well, at all, this does not seem to be the game for me. in fact, i resisted for an awfully long time because it just didn't make sense that i would spend time doing something that requires me to count on purpose for fun. but i was enticed to play years ago with the allowance that whomever sits to my left counts my cards for me. its been remarked that you can tell i've been playing awhile if i try to count for myself. but my lack of swiftness on the count, the fact that if i do attempt i'm usually wrong and otherwise, have to rely on someone else to play has never really endeared 99 to me like my other friends.

i had the opportunity on monday night to play cards, and when i saw 99 was on the menu, i was somewhat reluctant, but thanks to a shitty day at work, the need for a cocktail and the lure of a friend to commiserate with, i decided to pop in. not only was 99 nowhere in site, i learned what must quite possibly be one of the most entertaining card games i've encountered - Spanish Popeye. (yes, it deserves capitals)

invented by jesse f., a man who has impressed me immediately, Spanish Popeye is based on the ruling that porn shops have to have at least 60 percent material other then porn in order to operate as a legitimate business, and there was a shop up in harlem which just kept the requisite amount of non-porn in the form of multiple copies of spanish popeye.

i am loath to reveal the details of this ridiculously fun and crafty game, as it is still in "beta-testing" and since i did not invent it, it's really not my place. but this game, i feel, is worthy of usurping 99, and involves absolutely no counting whatsoever.


that being said, 4 x 9 = 36



FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER
1. monty python and the holy grail
2. mallrats
3. party girl
4. wet hot american summer


FOUR CITIES YOU'VE LIVED IN:
1. the 'burg
2. dix hills
3. beautiful downtown poughkeepsie
4. rancho palos verdes


FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE
1. market research in a mall
2. publicist
3. fill-in secretary
4. waitress at a catering hall


FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH
1. lost
2. veronica mars
3. 24
4. family guy


FOUR PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION:
1. aspen, colorado
2. park city, utah
3. lake tahoe, california
4. juneau, alaska


FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY:
1. yahoosports.com
2. gofugyourself.com
3. wwtdd.com
4. mail.yahoo.com


FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS:
1. french fries
2. sevruga caviar
3. stinky cheese
4. grilled cheeseburger


FOUR SCHOOLS YOU'VE ATTENDED:
1. marist college
2. rolling hills high school
3. pamenok elementary school
4. lou ekus media training school


FOUR PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:
1. a tall, snow covered mountain
2. a warm, sunny beach
3. The Compound
4. playing Spanish Popeye with friends